Never Say Die - PewDieCry
by dontcallmefrankly
Summary: What would you do if you found out your entire existence was a lie? When Cryaotic finds out the truth of his birth his entire world is turned on its head. Although he feels it, he is not alone in his search for answers. Pewdiepie - a young man that finds himself inexplicably drawn to Cry, as if by fate - is determined to stay by his friend's side. No matter what happens.
1. Chapter 1

_**Never Say Die - A Pewdiecry Fanfiction.**_

**Disclaimer  
><strong>_Okay, I just want to clarify that all the YouTubers that make appearances in this (or any) of my fanfictions are not based on the real people and I do not own any of them (lol). If any of said YouTubers happen upon any of my fanfictions, I__apologise__if they dislike the way I have portrayed them. However, I never have (and never will) claim that my characters reflect their real life counterparts, nor are their pasts or current lives reflective of what the real people have gone through in any way. All of my characters are entirely original._

_Thank you_

_~ Caitlin Marie_

**Chapter One**

**Cry's POV**

_I hate heat_, I thought as I adjusted my ceramic mask on my face and loosened my collar. It was a sticky 108 degree day and my face was sheened with sweat. I was sitting in the shade of a breezeway with my friends Tamara, Russ, Scott and Elizabeth. Russ looked as hot and bothered as I did; he'd pulled his sweatband down to his neck and then pulled it up again to get his curly hair off his neck and face. He looked pretty funny with all his hair sticking out the top of it. Tam had taken off as much clothing as she was allowed to at school and had pulled her long, sandy hair into a high bun. Scott and Ellie didn't seem too fazed by the hot, dense air. Ellie was lying half in the shade with her legs in the sun to tan them and Scott was lounging about, staring at the intensely blue sky.

"It's so _hot!_" Tam complained loudly, rolling onto her back and throwing her hands up emphatically. I nodded tiredly and rested my forehead on my knee.

"At least you get to wear a skirt." Russ countered in good humour, a mischievous smile playing on his lips.

"It says nowhere in the school rules that men can't wear skirts, so no one's stopping you." Tam retorted, pinching her boyfriend playfully.

"Ow, hey!" He cried indignantly, pinching her back. I smiled and rolled my eyes at them while Scott pretended to gag.

"Will you guys stop, you're making me sick!" He exclaimed jokingly. Tam stuck her tongue out at him, scrunching up her nose and he burst out laughing. I snickered behind my mask, trying not to let Tam notice in case she felt like biting my head off. Scott got away with laughing at her, I did not.

I tried to enjoy the rest of recess, but I just wanted to get back inside. If only for the air conditioning.

The bell finally rang and the five of us made our slow way back to our lockers.

"Hey Cry! What have you got now?" Scott called from across the locker room.

"Uh… Ugh, math and music." I called back. Scott thought for a moment then nodded sternly.

"Thanks, man." He said, getting his books together. I was getting my own books out when Tam and Russ appeared by my locker.

"Math and music, what a match!" Tam teased, grinning cheekily at me.

"I know right!" I replied sarcastically, closing my locker. "Come on, let's go."

When we reached the classroom Tam leapt to sit with Russ as she always did, so I was left with the only empty desk. As usual with those two, though I didn't really mind. They were dating after all.

I sighed, dumped my books on the table and slumped into my chair. At least it was air conditioned in here. Our teacher, Mr England had written up the day's work on the whiteboard and almost everyone was getting stuck into it already. I sighed and grudgingly followed suit. I'd never been good at maths or with numbers in general. They always got jumbled up in my head and I had to study hard to get anywhere with it.

I was concentrating on a particularly difficult problem when someone sat down beside me. Thinking it was Russ I thrust my paper at him.

"How the hell do you-" It wasn't Russ. I mentally kicked myself as the boy next to me stared at my mask bewilderedly.

"Sorry!" I stammered embarrassedly, "I thought you were my friend..." The guy's face softened and he gave me a small smile. He was a really good looking guy. He had bright, crystalline blue eyes, shaggy, dirty blonde hair, and a lopsided smile.

"That's okay," He replied, and I couldn't help but smile back at him. I also noticed that he had a distinct accent.

"You're not from here, are you?" I asked.

"No, I'm from Sweden," He said cheerfully. "I'm Felix." He held out his hand for me to shake.

"I'm Cry." I said, shaking his hand. I noticed a flicker of surprise in his eyes at my strange name, and my cheeks went pink under my mask. "I know… It's weird." I said, biting my lip.

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with being weird." He grinned. "It's your name, there's no need to be embarrassed." I sighed a little in relief and ran my fingers through my hair. I looked around the room and saw Tam whispering something to Russ and pointing at Felix and I. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and turned my attention back to the new kid.

"I've got to ask though…" Here it comes. "What's with the mask?" There it is. I habitually bit my bottom lip again and looked down at the table.

"I don't know…" I said uncertainly. "I just don't feel right without it."

"Fair enough." Felix said quickly, flashing me a lopsided smile again. "You know you're going to bite your whole lip off if you keep doing that."

"Huh? Oh." I pressed my lips together self-consciously. "Sorry."

"You're really weird." He chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. "There's nothing to be sorry about." I shrugged and tapped my pencil against the table. I didn't know whether to feel uncomfortable or at ease with this guy. He took out his books and found the page Mr England had written on the board in his textbook.

"What are you having trouble with?" He asked. I frowned and looked down at my page.

"All of it." I sulked, "I hate limits." Felix smiled and chuckled. I couldn't get over how nice his laugh was, it was almost musical.

"Here, let me give you a hand." He said helpfully.

**Pewdie's POV**

I had absolutely no idea where I was going and I was running late. It was my first day at this school and I was going to get a detention simply because I couldn't find my classes! I'd barely gotten to my last class in time before the teacher locked the door. This school was just so big! It was hard to find anything. My old school was so much smaller...

I shook my head in exasperation as I raced down the near empty corridors trying to find the G block. I rounded a corner and caught a glimpse of gold before I crashed headlong into someone, knocking us both to the ground. My cheeks burned as I picked myself up and mumbled sorry. I was rushing to pick up my books and papers when I heard a familiar voice.

"Pewdiepie?" Stephano exclaimed. I rocked back on my heels and looked up to see Stephano getting to his feet. His golden blonde curls hung long over his forehead, longer than I was used to seeing, and his brown eyes sparkled in the overhead light. He'd pulled his school tie as loose as he could get away with and he'd slung his blazer over his shoulder. He was wearing the light khaki school shorts too. I had to say, he looked pretty out of place in a uniform.

"Hey, bro! I was wondering when I'd run into you." I said, my bad mood lifting.

"When were you going to tell me you were coming here?" He demanded, noticing my college blazer. "I thought you said you were moving back to Sweden."

"I said my_ parents_ are moving back to Sweden." I laughed. "I never said I was. I wanted to surprise you and the others."

"Well this is definitely a surprise! So where are you headed?"

"I'm not really sure... G-12." Stephano smiled and put his arm around my shoulders to lead me down the hall.

"Don't worry, bro. I'll show you the way. Piggeh and Chair will be excited to see you." He grinned at me.

"I'm excited to see them too!" I replied. "It's been way too long."

...

...

Stephano left me at the classroom, telling me to meet him in the school's courtyard at lunch. I went into the classroom, relieved that it wasn't yet locked, and searched the room for an empty seat with a smile still lingering on my face. There was one left next to a brown haired boy wearing a mask. I frowned, sure I was about to be stuck with the weird kid, and took a seat next to him. Before I could do anything else, the boy thrust his paper at me and said, "How the hell do you do-" He cut himself off abruptly when he looked at me. "S-sorry! I thought you were my friend." He seemed really flustered. I flashed him a friendly smile and told him it was fine, hoping he'd chill out a bit. He tilted his head inquisitively when I spoke.

"You're not from here, are you?" He asked.

"No, I'm from Sweden." I grinned and offered him my hand. "I'm Felix."

"I'm Cry." He shook my hand and I could see the half of his smile beneath his mask. I tried to hide my surprise at his unusual name, but his smile still faltered. "I know, it's weird." He muttered, biting his bottom lip.

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with being weird. It's your name. There's no need to be embarrassed." I shrugged, guiltily trying to make him feel better. Curiosity getting the better of me, I decided to ask him about his mask.

"I don't know… I just don't feel right without it." He replied nervously, biting his lip again.

"Fair enough." I said, regretting my question. "You know you're going to bite your whole lip off if you keep doing that."

"Huh? Oh. Sorry." I raised an eye brow and shook my head, chuckling to myself.

"You're really weird." I said lightheartedly. "There's nothing to be sorry about." Cry shrugged and tapped his pencil on his book, which reminded me that he'd wanted help before.

"What are you having trouble with?" I asked gently once I'd taken out my books and found the right page. His shoulders tensed a little and he refused to make eye contact with me.

"All of it. I hate limits." I smiled and laughed at his forlorn tone of voice.

"Let me give you a hand." I grinned.

…

…

"No, wait. You missed a step. You have to find the limit, right? So you have to sub the value of _a_ into the denominator of the equation to see if the limit is undefined. So what's the value of _a_ in this one?" Cry paused for a moment, a look of intense concentration and frustration on his lips – the only part of his face I could see.

"-5?" He replied uncertainly. I nodded and he smiled.

"Right. So sub it into the denominator of the equation and solve it."

"But it doesn't have a denominator…"

"You just create one for the sake of this step…" I quickly scrawled the modified equation onto his page and he groaned.

"Wait… no, but… How?" I showed him and Cry made an unintelligible sound and rested his head in his hands. "I hate math. I don't understand how you make it seem so easy."

"It's not that bad when you know what you're doing." I chuckled. Cry sighed and completed the equation.

"Okay… Now you just factorise, right? Like you do with linear graphs and cubics and stuff?" He asked. I nodded and he did it, seemingly pleased to have something he knew how to do. "Is that the limit?" He asked, pointing to the finished equation on his page. His face fell when I shook my head.

"There's one more step." I quickly read the simplified expression and added, "You still have to find the limit. Sub in three and keep going until it's a value that will come up on a graph."

"Wait, where the fuck did you get three from?" He demanded, voice rising an octave as his confusion grew again.

"From the denominator." I replied.

"Why do you take it from the denominator? Why not use the five in the top half?"

"I don't know… You just use the denominator…"

"But why?"

"I don't know! That's just how you do it."

"Ugh! _This_ is why I hate math. Nothing makes sense! I can't learn it if there's no actual reason for it."

"There is a reason, I think. It's just not really important." I shrugged and Cry looked at me with his mouth hanging open in disbelief. After a few moments he scoffed and flipped his book closed.

"Whatever. I don't even care, math sucks." I couldn't help but laugh at how angry he was getting. I never understood why people had trouble with math, it had always come easily to me, but it was funny watching people get riled up by it. Since I'd already finished the exercise the teacher gave us, and Cry had no intention of doing the same, we just talked until the end of class.

I was almost disappointed when the bell finally rang for lunch; I was really enjoying talking to Cry. He was the first person I'd spoken more than a few words to since I started at Golden Wings, and he seemed like a really interesting guy. Cry eagerly packed up his books, commenting on how hungry he was, and we followed the rest of the class out the door.

**_A/N: _**_Hey, guys. I've been thinking, and I reckon I'm going to finish the massive rewrite of this story and write the sequel. I've still got all my ideas for this fanfic, and they just weren't translating properly into an original novel. I basically can't even be arsed anymore… _What is my life… I'm going to be deleting chapters from the original version as I upload them in this one - the reason for this being that I rated the old story R when it really wasn't necessary. I **so** did not know how hardcore fanfiction could get haha__


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

**Cry's POV**

As we were leaving class I noticed that Felix was looking a bit lost, so I invited him to walk back to the lockers with me and my friends. Tam and Russ both seemed to like him, though I'm pretty sure Tam just thought he was hot. Which I guess he was. Now that he was standing I saw that he was a couple of inches taller than me and slightly broader across the shoulders. He had an athletic build, and he looked really good in the school regulation white shirt and khaki shorts. I blushed deeply when I realised I was checking him out, grateful that my mask covered it up.

We made our way back to the locker area to get our lunch and put away our books. Felix disappeared not long after we reached the hall. Tam and Elizabeth left in a hurry because they had a lunchtime meeting to go to, but I met up with Scott and Russ and we went to our usual spot under the breezeway. We found a soccer ball and kicked it back and forth to each other until a teacher appeared to tell us off. After that we just sat in the shade and bounced it and threw it to one another, trying not to be too disruptive.

Eventually the others came out from their meeting and joined us. Tam had a sly look on her face as she sat down; the one she always wore when she had something up on you.

"What are you so smug about?" I asked. She sat down next to me, propping herself up on one elbow, and grinned at me.

"That Felix guy was at the chem club meeting." She said.

"Nerd." Scott chimed in teasingly. Tam smacked him and he laughed cheekily. I looked down at the ground in front of me, thinking. I hated how Tamara could always read my feelings so easily; often before I'd even figured them out myself.

"Did he say anything to you guys?" I asked cautiously. Tam shook her head no, but she still had that sly little grin on her face.

"What?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at my friend.

"Nothing." Tam shrugged, leaning back on her palms. "It's just that you seem to really fancy him." I rolled my eyes behind my mask and tried not to let what was visible of my face give anything away.

"You got that after a single period of math?" I countered, keeping my expression as careless as possible; a stark contrast to the shy, self-conscious thoughts whizzing through my head. I wasn't sure why, but I didn't want my friends to know I had a crush on the new kid. They knew I was pans, so it wasn't like that was a big deal… I wasn't sure what my reasons were, but I had them. Tam chuckled and raised an eyebrow at me.

"No need to get defensive, kid." She said teasingly, knowing I hated when she called me that. I rolled my eyes dramatically and flopped onto my back, staring at the ceiling of the breezeway.

"Whatever." I muttered exasperatedly. Scott laughed shamelessly at me while Tam's grin widened, Russ lamely covered his laugh with a cough and I rolled my eyes at all of them, my cheeks reddening even further. Overcome by embarrassment I curled my arms over my face and drew my feet closer to my butt, crossing my toes over self-consciously.

"Loser." Scott teased, still laughing at me.

"Shut _up_." I murmured in humiliation, a mortified look spreading across my face as I suppressed a nervous little giggle. The rest of lunch consisted of my friends relentlessly poking fun at me and talking about Felix while I vainly attempted to change the subject.

I was at my locker with Ellie, getting my stuff for Home Ec. and Biology, when Felix walked past and said hi. I smiled sheepishly and waved and Ellie bit her lip to hold in a smile. I spotted Tam across the locker hall laughing her head off at me as her and Russ headed to their own class and I glowered indignantly; this happened every time I had a crush on _anyone_. I told Ellie to shut up and she laughed, frantically telling me she didn't say a word as we went to class.

In sixth period I learned that I had English with Felix too. I saw him sitting next to a guy with golden, curly hair; I was _pretty_ sure his name was Stephano or something. A flash of toxic jealousy flashed through me before I consciously smothered it into oblivion. _Don't be a dickhead,_ I told myself, breathing deeply. _You have no right to be jealous. Besides, they're just sitting together. Stop being stupid. _I sighed infuriatedly and walked past a few full tables and took a seat next to a girl called Fiona. She tucked her white blonde hair behind her ear and said hi somewhat timidly. I greeted her with a smile and grabbed a pen out of my pencil case.

"Not too many friends in this class either, huh?" Fiona asked sweetly. I chuckled and shook my head.

"What gave that away?" I asked jokingly. Fiona laughed and shrugged.

"It takes one to know one, I guess." She replied. "This school seems hell bent on keeping me away from my friends this year."

"I know right! I've got math and one of my art classes with my friends, and that's it." I exclaimed, making Fiona laugh.

"It's good to see you haven't changed over the break." Fiona teased with a flippant wink. I blushed and laughed. I was about to ask what she meant by that when the teacher cleared her throat from the front of the room and everyone gradually quietened down. She'd written her name, Mrs. Kelly, on the whiteboard and was announcing to the class that she would be allocating the year's assignment pairs this lesson. More than half the class groaned dramatically at the prospect and I made a face, making Fiona laugh quietly despite the fact that she could only see my mouth.

"When I call your name, go and find a seat with your partner." Mrs. Kelly directed firmly over the ruckus. "Samuels and Henricksen. Tony and Walker. Belli and George…"

"See you, Cry." Fiona said as she picked up her books and walked over to join a girl, Samantha, at her table, waving as she left. I heard Stephano get called out and he went and sat by the girl he'd been paired with. I heaved a sigh of relief despite myself; at least he wasn't paired with Felix.

Almost the whole class had been called out, there was only six people left unpartnered, when my name was called.

"Terry and Kjellberg." My heart jumped into my throat and I stopped breathing for a few seconds before managing to regain my composure and join Felix at his table. We sat there quietly while Mrs. Kelly called out the last of the pairs. She told us that the tables we were sitting at were now ours for the year, and that she'd give us until next Friday to talk to her if anyone needed to switch partners.

"If your partner isn't your best friend, then deal with it. That's not a good enough reason to change." A few girls almost shouted complaints, but Mrs. Kelly cut them off with a raised hand. "Who knows? You might end up thanking me by the end of the year." A small smirk crept onto my face as the girls glowered venomously, arms crossed over their chests in a huff. I snuck a look at Felix and he rolled his eyes satirically and I bit back a laugh while Mrs. Kelly went on to explain our first paired assignment.

Once she'd finished, Mrs. Kelly placed sheets of paper with our assignments in front of us, telling us to get started now so there'd be less work at home. I pulled my English folder and pen out again and opened it to the first page to write down the assignment, while Felix wrote his name and the subject on the front of his.

"You haven't even labelled your books yet?" I asked, my head tilted slightly to the side in surprise. Felix shrugged and opened it to a blank page.

"I guess not." He replied with a shrug. "Not all of us can be as organised as you." I frowned and narrowed my eyes at him, but he just winked and grinned at me until I relaxed. "I'm kidding, Cry." He added in a gentler tone. I rolled my eyes and grumbled to myself, which only made him laugh.

Eventually the final bell rang and everyone poured into the halls. I said a quick goodbye to Felix before I disappeared into the throng of students. I think I felt his eyes on my back as I walked away, but it was probably just my imagination.

When I got to my locker I shoved everything I needed for the night into my backpack; we _already_ had math homework. Scott wandered over to me as I slung my bag over my shoulders and shut my locker, and we left the main building together, making our way towards the car park pretty much as slowly as possible, chatting about the day. Scott was still bagging me out about Felix, and it was starting to get on my nerves. My friends always did this when I liked someone. So I decided to lie.

"I don't even like him!" I protested exasperatedly.

"Oh, really? Well then I should probably ignore your bright red cheeks." Scott jibed, deliberately trying to rile me up. I shrugged and looked at the pavement in front of me, bottom lip firmly clamped between my teeth.

"You are such a bad liar, Cry." He continued, still laughing at my expense. I rolled my eyes at him, pretending to be mad, and picked up my pace.

"Cry, don- Hey, I'm sorry, man." Scott called, catching up to me and clapping me on the shoulder apologetically.

"Oh, come off it. You're not the _least_ bit sorry." I retorted, slapping his hand away. Scott laughed and shrugged innocently.

"You got me." He chuckled. I smiled and shook my head at my friend. Once we reached his car he told me goodbye and got in the passenger seat. I waved and he made a kissy face at me through the tinted windows. I just laughed and flipped him off. I was about to head towards the gates when I saw someone sitting on a bench out of the corner of my eye. I turned towards them automatically and saw that it was Felix, sitting cross-legged on the bench with a despondent look on his face. I almost just left him there, but despite the little voice in my head telling me not to go there, I really liked him. And I couldn't leave him there in good conscience.

I crossed the fast-emptying parking lot and gingerly sat down on the arm of the bench.

"Hey, Felix." I said sheepishly, putting my bag on the seat next to his. "What's up?" He looked up at me with a slightly bewildered look and scratched the back of his neck.

"I'm just waiting." He said hesitantly, staring back at the parking lot.

"Can I ask what for?"

"You just did." He joked. He was giving me a weird look, as if he was waiting for me to bite. I frowned at him sternly and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Whatever." I said defensively. "What are you waiting for?"

"My neighbour was meant to pick me up over ten minutes ago, but she isn't here." He eventually sighed. My hard gaze softened and my frown became a bit more sympathetic.

"I'm sorry… Maybe she's just running late?"

"She was off work today." He shook his head. "It's more likely she's just forgotten about me." I frowned and thought for a few moments, looking around searchingly. Eventually I sighed and shoved my bag onto the ground so I could sit on the bench proper. Felix looked at me questioningly and I suddenly got nervous again. What was I even doing…?

"I'm sorry." I murmured lamely and Felix shrugged.

"Not your fault." He replied. I narrowed my eyes at him under my mask and tried again.

"Do you need a way home?" I offered somewhat nervously. "I mean, we'd have to walk to my place first, but…"

"Yeah? I wouldn't want to put you out…"

"Don't worry about it." I told him, waving my hand in dismissal. "It won't be a problem." Felix seemed to think about it for a moment before getting to his feet and slinging his bag over one shoulder.

"Okay. Thanks, bro." He said, grinning gratefully. I smiled back at him and shrugged my own backpack over my shoulders and led the way out of the parking lot, towards my house.

**Pewdie's POV**

No one was home when we got to Cry's house, but he didn't seem concerned. He simply dumped his bag by the door, kicked off his shoes and walked off, saying he was going to get some food. I stood awkwardly in the entrance for a few moments before I dumped my bag next to Cry's, took my shoes off, and followed him into the kitchen. I slipped past him and took a seat on the opposite side of an island bench-top. He handed me a glass of coke and I thanked him while he put the bottle back in the fridge. Before he came back, he reached up and turned on the stereo on top of the fridge. He took his phone out of his pocket and plugged a cord into the headphone port so it'd play through the speakers before he skipped through his music to find something we could listen to. It wasn't long before music was floating through the spacious kitchen. Cry was nodding his head to the beat as he drifted back to the bench for his drink. I couldn't help but smile at him. He was mouthing the words too when he realised I was staring. He stopped his bopping and what I could see of his cheeks went bright red as he bit his lip, and I couldn't help but laugh. He scratched the back of his neck self-consciously, but started laughing too.

"Sorry." I said, but he just brushed it off.

"It's alright." He shrugged with a smile.

"I like your taste in music." I said, nodding towards the stereo. "This is John Newman, right?"

"Yeah, it is." Cry said, lighting up. "He's awesome."

"He is." I agreed. Cry smiled shyly at me. He opened his mouth to say something else, but got cut off when the front door suddenly banged open and a woman and a young boy came into the house.

"Hey, sweetie! How was your day?" The woman asked him as she came into the kitchen, grocery bags hanging from her arms. The boy hung back a bit, staying behind her.

"Hey mum. It was great." Cry replied. His mum dumped all the grocery bags on a bench on the opposite side of the kitchen and brushed her hands off on her pants before she turned to me.

"Who's this?" She asked Cry, a warm smile lighting up her features. I looked at Cry as he introduced me and I said a friendly hello. She introduced herself as Cassandra and prompted the boy, who was still standing behind her, to do the same.

"I'm Andy." He said shyly.

"I'm Felix." I told him, flashing him an encouraging smile to try and make him feel a little more comfortable.

"Hey mum, can we give Felix a lift home soon? His ride bailed on him."

"Oh, you poor dear!" She exclaimed in a very motherly tone. Something I wasn't used to nowadays. "I can take you in an hour or so when I go out again."

"That'd be great… Mrs. Terry." I said, grateful but uncertain of what I should call her.

"Miss." She corrected amiably. "But please, call me Cassandra."

"Sure. Sorry." I said hastily, but she just waved me off.

"Come on, Felix. Let's go watch TV." Cry gestured for me to follow him and I drained the rest of my glass before tailing him to the living room and joining him on the couch. He grabbed one of the remotes and flipped the TV on before trading it for one that turned on a little box in the TV cabinet. Cable. Nice. We talked as he flipped through the channels, eventually settling on watching Bo Burnham on one of the comedy channels. The next hour flew by and before I knew it, it was time for me to go.

Cry dropped me off out the front of my building. Grudgingly, I got out and fished my keys out of my pocket. I said goodbye and waved at my new friend, telling him I'd see him tomorrow, and his mum pulled away from the curb to quickly disappear into the traffic of the city. I pressed my lips together and I felt the blood rush to my cheeks. I couldn't recall ever feeling this way before. I'd had crushes, sure. But this felt different, like something more. I wondered if Cry felt the same.

I took a deep, giddy breath and finally went into my building. When I pressed the call button for the elevator, I heard the front door open and close, followed by someone's high heels clacking across the polished tile floor. I glanced over my shoulder to see who it was and I was pleasantly surprised to see Marzia walking towards me.

"Hey, Felix!" She exclaimed happily, waving as she approached. I gave her a friendly hug and a giant smile.

"Marzia! Hey!"

"You seem happy." She laughed, hugging me back. "It's been a while."

"Yeah, it has." I agreed. Suddenly a little bell went off and the elevator doors slid open. We both got in and pressed our respective floor buttons and the doors slid closed once more.

"What's got you in such a good mood, anyway?" Marzia asked curiously. I shrugged noncommittally and blushed, which made her laugh.

"I don't know," I said, getting all jittery all of a sudden. "I might have met someone."

"Oh wow! That's great, Felix!" Marzia replied, honestly happy for me. "Who is she?" My grin faltered a little and I cleared my throat somewhat nervously.

"He, actually." I corrected with an anxious laugh.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't know you were gay." She apologized hastily, panic written across her fine features. I let out a subtle sigh of relief and laughed.

"It's alright. I guess it's never really come up before." I replied, largely unfazed.

"True. Good thing I never tried to hit on you." She joked with a friendly wink." I laughed and rubbed the back of my neck.

"Yeah, that would've been awkward." I agreed. The elevator dinged again as it reached Marzia's floor, and she turned back to me as she got out.

"Well, good luck with this guy. I'll see you soon. Bye, Felix!" I waved as the doors closed. I hadn't expected to run into Marzia so long after school finished, but I was glad I did. I didn't see her very often since I moved schools, and I missed hanging out with her. I decided I'd have to call her so we could go get lunch or something like that.

When I got to my apartment, I dumped my bag on the floor and collapsed on the couch in my living room. I closed my eyes, folding my arms behind my head, and thought about the day. I don't think I could've hoped for a better first day. I decided not to look too far into this thing I had for Cry. I'd think about it when… if it ever went somewhere. A big smile spread across my face at that thought, leaving me grinning like a fool, alone in my apartment.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

_**Cry**_

It was Friday night, almost two months after I'd met Felix, and I was doing my homework at the kitchen table when the phone started ringing. I looked up from the practice sketches I was doing for one of my art classes just as Andy bounded into the kitchen shouting, "I'll get it!" I smiled at him and went back to my drawings, though I only got two lines down before I was pushing my chair back and running over to Andy to practically snatch the phone off of him. He shouted in protest, but I was too stunned to notice. I held the phone to my ear, filled equally with excitement and trepidation, and murmured, "Dad?"

"Hey, buddy. How are you?" I let out a breath I didn't realise I was holding and fell to my knees, almost bursting into tears at the sound of his voice.

"Dad." I repeated, at a complete loss for words. I couldn't believe it was him. I hadn't heard from him for so long that I'd begun to think he was dead, lost forever in some alien place on the other side of the world. But he was alive.

"Dad, oh my god, I can't believe it," I stammered emotionally. "Are you coming home?" Hope lit up my face for the first time in almost two years and, as usual, it was almost immediately extinguished.

"I'm sorry, I can't." My face fell and all the excitement at hearing from my dad was lost. "You know I've got my research, I… I can't leave it."

"I know, dad. It's okay." I said flatly, too disappointed to pretend. I sagged against the wall, legs splayed out in front of me, as Andy pouted at me for taking the phone. "Do you know when we'll be able to see you?"

"I don't… It's a miracle they let me _call_ you. Ryan, I'm sorry." It was the same every time he called. Every single time I thought he might finally be coming home, and every time he told me he wasn't.

"I know… I'll be okay. I'm a big boy now." I joked, though my heart wasn't in it.

"I can't believe you're eighteen this year, bud. I'm sorry I can't be there, but I am sending you a gift. I think you're really going to like it." I wanted to say, "How would you know? You haven't seen my face in over seven years. You wouldn't even recognise me now, how could you possibly know what I'd like for my birthday?" But I didn't. Instead I told him I was sure I would, before asking him if he wanted to speak with Andy again. I told him goodbye, and that I loved him, before handing my brother the phone and walking out of the kitchen, too upset to keep on with my homework. I passed my mother on my upstairs, and she asked me what was wrong.

"Dad's on the phone." I said. I tried to sound like I didn't care, but she saw right through me. She always did. She pulled me into a hug and I laid my head on her shoulder, despite my being almost a foot taller than her, but I didn't cry. I refused to. Not in front of her.

"It'll be okay, sweetheart." Mum murmured, stroking my hair lovingly. She let go of me and I went upstairs without a word, not even a smile. Mum knew full well that it wouldn't be okay, because as much as he said he would one day, dad was never coming home. He was never going to finish his research. I might as well have never even had a father, for all the good he had done. I slammed and locked my bedroom door, falling onto my bed in a heap. _Why can't I just have a normal dad? _I wondered silently, not trusting myself to speak. After a few minutes I pulled my phone out of my pocket and messaged Felix.

/Hey are you busy?/

It was barely a minute before he replied.

/Nah just doing homework. Why?/

/I was just wondering if you wanted to come over/

/Sure./

A few moments later he sent another.

/Just me?/

/I haven't asked anyone else… you can ask the others over too if you want though/

/Nah it's cool :) I'll be there in 20/

/Sweet. See you soon/

I dropped my phone on my bed and rolled onto my back, splaying my arms out and sighing miserably. I was staring at my blank white ceiling, pondering everything that was going on with my father, as well as with Felix, when it all became too much and I had to do something to release the emotions boiling inside of me. I roughly dragged my desk drawer open and grabbed one of my sketch books unrelated to school and flipped through it, trying to find a blank page. My frustration and anger built up even more when I found it was full. I dug through the drawer and found a newer one, flipped it open and started drawing. My pencils strokes started off long, heavy-handed, and angry, and I tore out more than a couple of pages, but eventually I slowed down and started drawing with more purpose, more deliberation. By the time Felix arrived I'd drawn a rough base for a violent, futuristic scene of death.

In truth, I didn't even realise Felix was here until he knocked on my bedroom door. I rubbed my eyes and pushed my chair back. I still felt like absolute shit, but at least something productive had come out of it. I'd gotten halfway to the door when Felix called out, "Cry? You in there?" I stopped in my tracks, suddenly aware that I hadn't put my mask on yet, and went to fetch it from my bedside table, grateful that I hadn't left it on the kitchen table or something, and quickly flipped my sketch book closed. Once my mask was firmly tied on, I opened the door.

"Hey, Felix." I said, opening the door enough for him to enter before closing it behind him. He returned my greeting as he fell onto my bed, immediately making himself at home. I smiled at him under my mask and sat back down in my desk chair, immediately feeling better with him around.

"So what's up?" Felix asked, gazing at the posters and drawings I had pinned up on my walls. It felt a bit weird having someone else in my room – I rarely even let my mum in – and I thought about suggesting we go down to the living room or something, but I shook off the thought pretty quickly. It was just Felix.

"I've had a pretty shitty night and I just felt like some company." I told him. My voice dropped as I was reminded of my father and I pulled my knees up to my chest defensively. I could feel Felix's eyes one me, but I didn't look at him.

"You want to talk about it?" He asked softly. I started to shake my head, I wasn't allowed to speak about dad to anyone, but then I caught Felix's gaze and I saw genuine concern in his eyes. I struggled with myself for a moment, thinking about the loyalty I'd always had for dad, until I started to wonder why I had it in the first place. What had my father ever done to earn my loyalty? With sudden anger flashing through me I got up and locked my door again before joining Felix on my bed.

"You've got to promise not to tell anyone what I'm about to tell you." I said sternly.

"I promise…" Felix nodded uncertainly, a worried frown on his face.

"I'm serious, Felix. You can't even tell my _mother_ that I told you or she'll kill me."

"I said I promise. I won't say a word." He assured me, a bit more confidently this time. I sighed and wondered for a moment if I was making a mistake. After all, some secrets are better left untold. But I couldn't hold onto this anymore; it was eating me alive. So I told him everything. I told him that I'd never really known my dad out of rare phone calls and even rarer visits. That I hadn't heard from him in almost two years, and I hadn't _seen_ him since I was eleven because of some stupid research he was doing in the Middle East or whatever. I started to get emotional again as I told him about all the times he'd visited when I was a kid, when he had more freedom to come or something. I was pretty much left in the dark when it came to what he actually _did, _as well as the rules he had to abide by. I started to cry when I told him that in the last few years I'd started to wonder whether there even were any rules saying he couldn't come home every now and then. I didn't _want_ to cry in front of Felix, but I'd never spoken a word of this to anyone, and it was too much for me to handle. Felix barely said a word while I spoke. He just sat beside me, leaning back on one elbow, listening to me with an intently concerned look on his face. By the time I finished I was crying harder than I had since I was a kid. I'd scooted back on my bed so I was leaning against the wall. My knees were drawn tightly up to my chest and my face was buried in my arms, my mask digging into my cheeks uncomfortably, tears dripping off the edges as I silently wept.

"I'm sorry you've had to go through all that, Cry." He eventually murmured. I didn't answer him. I couldn't stop crying and I despite everything I'd just told him, I didn't want him to see me so weak. The bed creaked a little as Felix moved, I was sure he was getting up to leave, and I flinched a little when he slipped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me into a hug. I shifted my position a little and folded into his arms like it was where I was always meant to be. Feelings I'd been trying to ignore ever since I met Felix started to bloom, and for some reason it brought fresh tears to my eyes. Shuffling a little closer, I tightened my grip around him and laid my head on his chest. His heart was loud and fast in my ear, and I wondered if Felix felt the same way I did… Suddenly gripped by a strange, possessive confidence I sat up, tugged my mask down so it hung about my neck, wrapped my arms around Felix's neck and crushed my lips against his. He tensed up in surprise and for a moment I wondered whether I should pull away, but then his hands found my sides and he was kissing me back. The wetness on my cheeks rubbed off onto his and I tasted salt as I pushed Felix against the wall, deepening the kiss and shifting so our bodies pressed together and my legs rested on either side of his hips. My fingers tangled in his messy blonde hair and his hands slipped under my shirt, leaving me tingling and shivering where his fingers flew across my skin. Despite the urgency and desperation in my actions, I was barely even aware that I was moving. My entire world had narrowed until all I felt was Felix's mouth on mine, and his tongue tracing my lips and fighting with me for the upper hand. The sparks flying between us as his hands explored my back and sides, finding every detail there was to find. His soft hair falling through my fingers. The slight throbbing in my forehead as I scowled, eyes closed too tight, because this should have happened so much sooner. I had no idea what I was doing but it didn't seem to matter. He didn't seem to care. All I knew was that moment. All I knew was Felix.

After an instant or an eternity he pulled away, pushing me back a little when I tried to stop him, not understanding why he'd stopped kissing me.

"You should probably get the door." He whispered breathlessly, and it was only then I heard my mum knocking on the door.

"Cry? Honey, dinner's ready." She called, and blush rose to my cheeks as reality set in and I thanked the heavens that my door had a lock.

"C-coming, mum." I replied, completely flustered as I tried to get my mask safely back on my face. Felix put a hand on mine, stopping me from either pulling it back up or strangling myself with it, whichever happened first, and I froze. The blush in my cheeks deepened to scarlet as Felix reached around my neck and gently undid the ties, letting the mask fall into our laps. I gazed at it for a moment, butterflies doing stunts in my stomach before I met his eyes and joked sheepishly, "Want to stay for dinner?" Felix laughed and my heart jumped into my throat as he nodded.

"Sure, Cry. I'd love to."

_**Felix**_

Things were more than a little tense at dinner. It was the first time I'd had dinner at Cry's house, and I was finding it difficult to make conversation with the memory of him still on my lips. I found myself speaking only when spoken to, focusing on my food rather than Cry's mouth; every time he smiled at me I was drawn back into the memory. Not only that, I'd noticed Cry's eyes were red and puffy before he put his mask back on, and I felt oddly defensive about it, beyond the normal concern I feel when my friends are upset. There was definitely something more between Cry and I, and all I wanted through dinner was to go back up to his room and figure out what it was.

"Felix?" I jolted a little as I came out of my thoughts, looking up at Cry bewilderedly. He had his empty plate in his hand and he was offering to take mine. I looked down at my food, feeling bad that I didn't finish it – it wasn't that I didn't like it, I was just too preoccupied to eat – and handed it to him with a somewhat flustered thank you. After a few moments I left the table and followed Cry into the kitchen. His mum waved the both of us away when he offered to do that dishes, telling us to go play video games or watch a movie or something, and Cry led me back upstairs. As I climbed the staircase, the banister smooth and cool under my hand, nervousness started to creep over me, and I wondered if Cry's kissing me _actually_ meant anything. People kissed other people all the time, after all. And he'd never so much as indicated that he might have had feelings for me. A little voice of reason tried to cut through my fear, assuring me that Cry wasn't the type of guy to just kiss someone like that and forget about it, but it was immediately overrun by my panic. I could feel the colour drain from my face and my palms get clammy as I followed Cry into his room. My lungs all but stopped working when he closed the door behind us. I sat on the edge of the bed and he sat beside me, a heavy sense of awkwardness settling over me. I couldn't speak for him, but the way he hunched his shoulders defensively and stared at the ground made me think he was feeling it too. Deafening silence stretched out between us like a gorge, and it was all I could do not to scream just to break it. Eventually it all became too much for me, I turned to Cry and tried to speak, but at first nothing would come out. I couldn't find words to express the tumultuous emotions bubbling about inside my brain. So I waited a few moments, tried to gather myself, and tried again.

"What was that… before?" I asked, my voice soft, low and full of apprehension. I was scared he'd say it was nothing; I was petrified he'd say it was everything. He didn't speak for a little while, and I couldn't read his expression with him hiding behind his mask again. The silence was starting to drive me crazy again when he finally answered me.

"I don't know…" He murmured. His voice came out husky and low, laced with feelings he would not reveal. My gaze was fixed on Cry's mostly-hidden profile. Disappointment started to take me over, overriding the panic and causing a heavy, chilling sadness to settle in my bones. The notion that, if I didn't act now, I might lose that moment forever hit me like a bullet. Tentatively, still filled with nerves and wondering whether it was all in my head, I shifted a little closer to Cry, reaching forward for the edge of his mask. He flinched from my touch at first, but then he let me take his cheek and turn his head towards me, let me find the ties of his mask, let it fall into his waiting hands. He let his gaze fall to his mask, seemingly out of habit, but I cupped his jaw in my palm, tracing his cheek with my thumb, and he met my eyes. The breath came out of my lungs with a low whoosh as I took him in. Things had been moving too fast for me to even pick his eye colour before, but this time I could take in everything about him. He had the most extreme case of doe eyes I'd ever seen, and it almost killed me just looking at him. His eyes were like molten chocolate, the light dancing off them making them look deeper and more vivid than I'd have thought possible. His skin was like porcelain, a stark contrast to his deep brown eyes and his dark eyebrows and eyelashes, which were the same colour as his hair. He had a stern, sloping jaw that was reminiscent of his mother's, although the rest of his features must have come from his father; his cheekbones were slightly wider than his jaw, and relatively flat, and his nose was slightly crooked, though it didn't look like it was the result of a break, and it turned up a little at the tip. However, I found my gaze flitting between his eyes and his full, pink, well defined lips, unable to figure out whether I want to kiss him or stare at him. Eventually he shifted under my gaze, and I dropped my hand.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to stare." I said quickly. I bit back a smile and dropped my gaze, turning away from him a little.

"What?" Cry asked, and I looked up at him and I almost died when he smiled; the apples of his cheeks went round, and distinct dimples appeared as he flashed me a sparkling white grin. His teeth were perfect. I thought he must have had braces at some point.

"Nothing, I just… You're, uh–" Nerves caught up with me and I cleared my throat and rubbed the back of my neck.

"I'm what?" Cry murmured, his voice small and his eyes darting around my face.

"You're gorgeous." I told him bashfully, and the smile dropped from his face, instantly turning into bewilderment. His entire face went beet red and my smile broke through fully.

"No I'm not." He muttered embarrassedly.

"Yeah you are!" I replied emphatically. "Don't argue with me, you won't win." Cry's smile returned and he rolled his eyes at me.

"Whatever…" He said, his tone still hushed. Silence filled the room again as I watched him carefully place his mask on his bedside table. He shied under my stare again, but I didn't look away this time. I couldn't take my eyes off of him.

"Was that kiss really nothing?" I asked, all the jokiness and admiration gone from my voice.

"I never said it was nothing."

"Then what was it?" I pressed, willing him to look at me.

"I don't–"

"You've got to have some idea." I was practically begging, but I didn't care. I needed him to say he wanted me too. Cry opened his mouth to speak, but he seemed to choke on his words. Minutes ticked by and he still didn't say anything. He wouldn't even meet my eyes. I clenched my jaw, my patience wearing very thin, and tried my best to be demanding

"Cry… Talk to me." Despite my efforts, it came out as a plea. Cry pursed his lips and frowned, but he didn't say a word. My patience snapped with a frustrated sigh, and Cry finally looked at me, but this time I was not content to just look back. Filled with desperation and anger and frustration I launched myself at Cry. He let out a frightened yelp but I cut it off with a rough, unforgiving kiss. One hand flew to his head, fingers tangling in his hair and the other to his back, pulling him closer. I felt a little bad for pouncing on him, but I _needed_ this. I needed _him._ His entire body became cement for a split second as we connected, then he was kissing me with a ferocious hunger I'd never have expected. Never letting my mouth leave his I grabbed his ass – he had an amazing ass – and dragged him onto my lap, his legs wrapped around my hips instantly and my jeans got a couple sizes smaller. My lips left Cry's and travelled down his jaw and down to his neck, his skin soft as silk beneath my tongue. I traced my lips across his skin, barely touching him, teasing him. He let out the barest whimper and clutched at me, silently begging me, and I gave in, just as needy and desperate as he was. He let out a moan that was more like music as I drove my mouth into his neck, right over a tendon, and he practically melted in my arms. His legs tightened around my hips and we rubbed up against each other, and it was my turn to make some noise. My mouth found his again as I moved, getting on top of him, pushing him back onto the mattress. After a moment he gave in and we fell with a surprising lurch that ended in a loud, solid _thump. _Cry let out a grunt of pain and I immediately backed off, propping myself up on my forearms so I could see him properly. His face was set in a grimace and he was gingerly rubbing the back of his head.

"Are you okay?" I asked worriedly, sighing in relief when he nodded.

"Yeah." He hissed, still wincing. "That really hurt." I pushed myself upright and off of him and held out a hand.

"Let me see." I said when he didn't take it. I pulled him into a sitting position, his legs splayed on either side of me, and he dropped his head so I could see where he'd hit it. I touched the area delicately, only just touching him, being careful not to hurt him. I was relieved to see there was no blood, but there _was_ an impressive egg coming up.

"It's okay, you're not bleeding." I assured him, and he looked up at me as my hands left his scalp. A smirk crept onto his face as the initial pain and shock faded, and I asked him why he was smiling. He shook his head and said, "Just had to try and knock myself out, didn't I?" I almost snorted as the unexpected laughter bubbled out of me, and Cry started laughing too.

"You could just _tell _me you hate me. Save you the pain." I joked, and Cry shook his head again, not bothering to reply. Once our laughter died off I looked at Cry, simply overflowing with adoration, and he met my gaze more steadily than I expected. I traced my thumb up his cheekbone as I laid my palm on the side of his head, careful not to let my fingers brush his bump, and he leaned into my hand.

"But you don't hate me." I murmured. It wasn't a question, though my voice lilted a little as if it was.

"Of course I do." Cry scoffed, suddenly swatting my hand away, making me laugh again. "Why on _earth_ would I _like_ you? Sheesh." I rolled my eyes and leaned forward to give him a tender, affectionate kiss, and his cheeks went red.

"Yeah, you totally hate me." I teased light heartedly, feeling colour rise to my own face.


End file.
